No tags yet.
I refer to various markers in my life, as bookmarks. It makes me think of having to put a book down, and placing a scrap of paper in the book, so you can find your way back to that spot again, at a later time. In life, we have those markers in more than just pieces of paper. There are visuals, like Christmas lights, that might bring you back to a special time at your grandmother’s house, when you were 10. Tastes, like my mom’s apple pie, that makes me think of simpler times when I wasn’t worried about taxes and bills and car repairs. Or smells, like smell of burning leaves, which makes me nostalgic for my early teens, running around the neighborhood, trick-or-treating.
I love fall. I truly, truly do. It is by far my favorite time of the year. The colors, the smells, the cooler temperatures….burning leaves, and apple pies and anticipation.
There is that twinge of time moving too fast. Of it getting away from me, but also the promise of new and better things around the corner.
I say this, because tomorrow, my little one starts high school. Just another step on a ladder that feels like it just can’t have any more rungs on it. But here we are, and there it is. Another bookmark…
Last year, at this time, I was moving my oldest daughter into her dorm, at college. An event that I wasn’t ready for, but I also couldn’t stop - so I might as well buckle in, and try to enjoy the ride. And it has been enjoyable. We still see her about once or twice a month, whether it is for a dinner out, or an eye doctor appointment, or just her popping in to borrow a board game. We interact often, through social media, and text and phone, and the interactions are more fun nowadays. She shares pictures of a hike she went on, or a video of hundreds of people descending upon lake park to catch an elusive Pokémon. Last time she came home to stay for a weekend, she and I had a great chat over breakfast. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, and I do miss seeing her every day, but on the other hand, our interactions and time together are now much more meaningful, and purposeful. We don’t allow time to have no meaning any longer. I have learned much, this past year.
In fact, this year has been a year of many changes. My wife went back to college, as well, and this year she changed her major and is going in a different direction, not to mention that she is now on a track for doing classes that actually count towards her degree (rather than doing the wonky electives that everyone has to do).
I closed my Tile business, only to restart it again after a short stint back at in the union.
I lost my father and my mother, about 5 weeks apart from each other. Our relationships and their deaths couldn’t have been more different, yet the timing of both events were so close as to create a turbulent void that I am still trying to sort out, even today, 6 months later.
And after many, many years of homeschooling and virtual schooling, both of my kids went to “brick and mortar” schools, about 12 months ago. For Beth, she went from 8 years of doing school from her bedroom, to being dropped into a liberal arts college. And Rachel had pretty much never seen the inside of a classroom until she started 8th grade. These are all what I like to think of as the “bookmarks” for this past year. A marker for my brain, so that I will be able to point to the 2015-2016 year, and say, “I remember because that was the year that ….
And now here we are. A new year, a blank page, and the potential of new bookmarks.
So, my youngest daughter is starting her freshman year of high school. This feels so final. When Beth went to college, we jokingly told Rachel that all of our “2 child” parental efforts would now be focused on her, like a laser beam. Not entirely true, but she probably does get more mom and dad time, nowadays.
The summer before Rachel went to 8th grade, in anticipation of her being in “general population” (as I called it), we started having a weekly Bible study. The only negative coming from that, is the regret that I didn’t do this with Beth, as well. It started with a focused 12 –week study, and it has turned into so much more. Sometimes we just talk about our weeks. Sometimes we just hang out and joke. Sometimes she has real questions and issues that we talk through. And sometimes, we go through another study that we started this past year.
If I have any encouragement in this, it would be to be intentional with your time in general, but specifically with those that you love the most. I’ve heard it often, but I don’t always heed it: make sure that you spend time with your spouse. Not only time at your kid’s soccer game (although you should go and support your child, whenever you have that opportunity), and not only time running from here to there. But actual time together. Go see a movie. Have dinner together.
When you are a young couple, money is tight and time isn’t always available. Sometimes it’s hard to find and pay for a sitter. But if your marriage is worth it (and it should be), find the time. Find the money. Even if it is just to have coffee for an hour. The time won’t always be there, and then, when your last child has left the house, and you finally have the time, you might just realize that you have been living with a stranger the whole time. Don’t let that happen.
And the same goes for your kids. Find the time to do stuff with them. I feel like I may not have scored the greatest on this, either, but I made an effort. And I made memories. I cherish the memories of taking the kids on mini-trips when my wife had to work weekends. Or even just going to the mall or the park. Beth said that she remembers way back, when my wife was first taking a college class, many years ago (Michelle was pregnant with Rachel at that time, which would make Beth about 3 ½, at that time….another “bookmark”) and we would drop my wife off at the university, and Beth and I would go to a nearby pharmacy, and buy a little cup of tiny Oreos, and then walked to a nearby park, and hung out, played on the playground equipment, and snacked on those mini Oreos, until my wife’s class was done.
You don’t need to helicopter parent or buy fancy gifts, or go on expensive trips. Some of my fondest memories as a kid was my parents sneaking marshmallows into the zoo, so we could throw them to the bears, and sitting on my dad’s lap while he read to me from the Sunday comics. Your kids will remember the little things like sitting on your lap, reading the newspaper, or having a “daddy/daughter time” at Chick-Fil-A, and eating mini Oreos at the park.
But not if you don’t do it.
So, as we head into the fall, and into a new school year, and a new holiday season, and turn another page, I would encourage you to find time to make some bookmarks.
